Hello! Welcome to Return to Stars Hollow - a spoiler-free, retrospective podcast about Gilmore Girls! This is the podcast for our Season 7, Episode 9 - Knit, People, Knit!
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The next podcast will post on August 2, 2018 for Season 7, Episode 10 - Merry Fisticuffs.
The Christopher Warlock Theory (by Michael):
I had a small thought on your astute retcon observation of last week, where you rightly noted Lorelai's flipped personality, becoming an apron wearing Stepford wife and enjoying her marriage to Christopher, losing all her previous reservations and doubt. I believe that this spell that Lorelai is under is not the fault of the writers. No. It is because Christopher is a warlock. His newfound money has finally allowed him to acquire the ultimate spell book he has long coveted. We learned last week, that as a youth, Lorelai's "Synchronicity" T-shirt magically disappeared, possibly as a childish trick conjured by a juvenile sorcerer, or more likely Christopher needed a personal item of her's to begin his lifelong goal of controlling her through the dark arts, something he sequestered himself for many years to achieve, culminating in the Paris experiment. Ultimately, for the spell to continue to work, the item of clothing must be returned and Lorelai must be in his presence. Remember last week's snail dinner and how Lorelai's personality reverted when Christopher left the room, then returned when he returned? And at the hospital for April's appendectomy, without Christopher there Lorelai was able to start accessing her original feeling of remorse about her inexplicably hasty marriage. Yet, back in Christopher's presence, Lorelai is excited about the color pink and converting Rory's room into GG's.
This week, the yarn scenes mentioned above were really telling, Lorelai's domestic knitting skills were on point whenever Christopher was around, then Lorelai became completely flummoxed on how to roll a simple ball of yarn when he was absent. Now wait a minute, you might say. There's that early scene when Lorelai is hesitant about Christopher's wishes to go into town with her to find "non-slip needles." She seems conflicted, unwilling to follow his commands. How can this be if she's under his spell? Well, as with Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics (and a Stepford Wife is essentially a robot), rule #2 states (and I'll paraphrase) a robot may disobey a direct order if that order would cause the person giving the order to come into harm. Again, you might ask, how could a warlock Christopher possibly come into harm walking through the quaint New England town of Stars Hollow with a captivated Lorelai on his arm? That's because all the women of Stars Hollow are witches. All the hesitant conversation that unfolds in the town square is where the woman/witches of Stars Hollow are sussing out the situation, assessing Christopher's power and hold over Lorelai, then letting Lorelai know that they know her predicament. As before, when Lorelai is away from Christopher, she is able to talk more frankly. After Sookie reveals her "vision" for edible balls of yarn and needles, they get to decoding the word "cordial" and the examining problem of an "outsider" in their midst. Still unsure of Christopher's power level, Lorelai seems concerned that too many witches might set him off. That more "clout" is needed to lull Christopher into complacency. She needs another warlock. She needs Jackson. Back alone with Christopher, temporarily fueled by co-witch Sookie's support, Lorelai is able to get Christopher out of his warlock power color, black. She instills a nervousness in him, prepping him for his mandated man-date with "farmer" Jackson. Christopher's expectations have been lowered. Farmer Jackson, who controls the elements of the earth, holds his summit in his own element, "were you can throw your peanut shells on the floor" and the beer is "brewed right here on the premises." A witch's brew, no doubt concocted under Jackson's exacting formula. Jackson tests the power of eggplant, which demonstrated it's formidable effects on Sookie and her ratatouille a few weeks ago. But Christopher is too strong. Pause. Recalculate. Jackson realizes that he cannot conjure through his accustomed physical realm. But he's patient, he's adaptable. Pause. Let Christopher take another pull on that local brew. Psychology. The warlock of soil will have to plant a seed of doubt into the heart of Christopher. A tricky and dangerous spell, for it is no guarantee that the warlock Christopher even has a heart.
The next day for the Knit-a-thon, all the denizens of Stars Hollow have congregated at its epicenter, the gazebo park. Christopher is uneasy in this situation, possibly feeling outnumbered, outgunned. Music is blaring, energy is buzzing, the folks are practicing their craft. Lorelai swings Christopher by a booth, reminding him that Jackson is ever present. She notes that there are other males lying in wait, such as Morey, Andrew, and the unknown Glenn Belkin with his team of young followers. Christopher can only stutter. He is definitely uneasy. His eyes dart about ceaselessly as the witches of Stars Hollow swarm around him, congregating with Lorelai. A countdown begins. As one, the town comes together, chanting in unison as the numbers near zero. But Christopher is strong. Christopher tries patience. Over time he sees that the women of Stars Hollow are equally resolute, plus they are unified in great numbers. Suddenly feeling desperate, Christopher resorts to summoning his newly learned trick, buying his way out of confounding situations. His financial offering at the mouth of the gazebo does as intended, breaking up and disbanding the coven, many of whom are still wary of his clout. For the moment he is safe. And when he gets Lorelai alone, walking her home after staving off a witch's coup, he feels especially pleased by using Jackson's own farmer incantations to bring a disobedient Lorelai back into line. You may have won this battle Christopher, but the war is far from over.