Hello! Welcome to Return to Stars Hollow - a spoiler-free, retrospective podcast about Gilmore Girls! This is the podcast for our Season 7, Episode 9 - Knit, People, Knit!
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The next podcast will post on August 2, 2018 for Season 7, Episode 10 - Merry Fisticuffs.
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The Christopher Warlock Theory (by Michael):
I had a small thought on your astute retcon observation of last week, where you rightly noted Lorelai's flipped personality, becoming an apron wearing Stepford wife and enjoying her marriage to Christopher, losing all her previous reservations and doubt. I believe that this spell that Lorelai is under is not the fault of the writers. No. It is because Christopher is a warlock. His newfound money has finally allowed him to acquire the ultimate spell book he has long coveted. We learned last week, that as a youth, Lorelai's "Synchronicity" T-shirt magically disappeared, possibly as a childish trick conjured by a juvenile sorcerer, or more likely Christopher needed a personal item of her's to begin his lifelong goal of controlling her through the dark arts, something he sequestered himself for many years to achieve, culminating in the Paris experiment. Ultimately, for the spell to continue to work, the item of clothing must be returned and Lorelai must be in his presence. Remember last week's snail dinner and how Lorelai's personality reverted when Christopher left the room, then returned when he returned? And at the hospital for April's appendectomy, without Christopher there Lorelai was able to start accessing her original feeling of remorse about her inexplicably hasty marriage. Yet, back in Christopher's presence, Lorelai is excited about the color pink and converting Rory's room into GG's.
This week, the yarn scenes mentioned above were really telling,
Lorelai's domestic knitting skills were on point whenever Christopher was
around, then Lorelai became completely flummoxed on how to roll a simple ball
of yarn when he was absent. Now wait a minute, you might say. There's that
early scene when Lorelai is hesitant about Christopher's wishes to go into town
with her to find "non-slip needles." She seems conflicted, unwilling
to follow his commands. How can this be if she's under his spell? Well, as with
Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics (and a Stepford Wife is essentially a robot),
rule #2 states (and I'll paraphrase) a robot may disobey a direct order if that
order would cause the person giving the order to come into harm. Again, you
might ask, how could a warlock Christopher possibly come into harm walking
through the quaint New England town of Stars Hollow with a captivated Lorelai
on his arm? That's because all the women of Stars Hollow are witches. All the
hesitant conversation that unfolds in the town square is where the
woman/witches of Stars Hollow are sussing out the situation, assessing
Christopher's power and hold over Lorelai, then letting Lorelai know that they
know her predicament. As before, when Lorelai is away from Christopher, she is
able to talk more frankly. After Sookie reveals her "vision" for
edible balls of yarn and needles, they get to decoding the word
"cordial" and the examining problem of an "outsider" in
their midst. Still unsure of Christopher's power level, Lorelai seems concerned
that too many witches might set him off. That more "clout" is needed
to lull Christopher into complacency. She needs another warlock. She needs
Jackson. Back alone with Christopher, temporarily fueled by co-witch Sookie's support,
Lorelai is able to get Christopher out of his warlock power color, black. She
instills a nervousness in him, prepping him for his mandated man-date with
"farmer" Jackson. Christopher's expectations have been lowered.
Farmer Jackson, who controls the elements of the earth, holds his summit in his
own element, "were you can throw your peanut shells on the floor" and
the beer is "brewed right here on the premises." A witch's brew, no
doubt concocted under Jackson's exacting formula. Jackson tests the power of
eggplant, which demonstrated it's formidable effects on Sookie and her
ratatouille a few weeks ago. But Christopher is too strong. Pause. Recalculate.
Jackson realizes that he cannot conjure through his accustomed physical realm.
But he's patient, he's adaptable. Pause. Let Christopher take another pull on
that local brew. Psychology. The warlock of soil will have to plant a seed of
doubt into the heart of Christopher. A tricky and dangerous spell, for it is no
guarantee that the warlock Christopher even has a heart.
The next day for the Knit-a-thon, all the denizens of Stars Hollow have
congregated at its epicenter, the gazebo park. Christopher is uneasy in this
situation, possibly feeling outnumbered, outgunned. Music is blaring, energy is
buzzing, the folks are practicing their craft. Lorelai swings Christopher by a
booth, reminding him that Jackson is ever present. She notes that there are
other males lying in wait, such as Morey, Andrew, and the unknown Glenn Belkin
with his team of young followers. Christopher can only stutter. He is
definitely uneasy. His eyes dart about ceaselessly as the witches of Stars
Hollow swarm around him, congregating with Lorelai. A countdown begins. As one,
the town comes together, chanting in unison as the numbers near zero. But
Christopher is strong. Christopher tries patience. Over time he sees that the
women of Stars Hollow are equally resolute, plus they are unified in great
numbers. Suddenly feeling desperate, Christopher resorts to summoning his newly
learned trick, buying his way out of confounding situations. His financial
offering at the mouth of the gazebo does as intended, breaking up and
disbanding the coven, many of whom are still wary of his clout. For the moment
he is safe. And when he gets Lorelai alone, walking her home after staving off
a witch's coup, he feels especially pleased by using Jackson's own farmer
incantations to bring a disobedient Lorelai back into line. You may have won
this battle Christopher, but the war is far from over.
